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Spike Meets The Strangler!

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  • Spike: Wait for it... [clock changes to 8:00. Spike punches in then jumps in the air. The scene pauses him in mid-air]
  • Lady: On Time Percentage: 100%. [the scene starts again. Twilight walks up to the time clock]
  • Twilight: Another day, another migraine. Heh, heh, mi... [scene pauses again]
  • Lady: On Time Percentage: 12%. [the screen un-pauses]
  • Twilight: ...graine. Heh, heh, heh.
  • Spike: Ahh, isn't it great working at the Library, Twilight? Huh? Isn't it? Working here?
  • Twilight: Yeah, great.
  • Spike: Yeah.
  • Twilight: Yeah.
  • Spike: Aww, yeah.
  • Twilight: [getting annoyed] Yes...
  • Spike: Hold that thought, Twilight Sparkle. I'm doing the parking lot for early morning litter patrol. May Neptune shine brightly on my harvest. [laughs. Spike walks out with a bunch of trash stuff with him] Litter. [picks up trash] Looks like someone missed the trash basket, huh, Mr. Candy Wrapper? [laughs] fillies these days. [another piece of trash falls to the ground] I've never seen such an epidemic! Well, at least it's all over now. [more trash falls to the ground and Spike picks them up in a hurry] WHERE IS ALL THIS LITTER COMING FROM?! [Spike notices someone tossing trash out of a car] Not on my watch. [walks up to the car] Sir, I will have you know it's against the law to litter.
  • Strangler: Heh, what're you gonna do, call the police? [police arrive]
  • Spike: Yes. [police begin to handcuff the Strangler. They walk past him in single-file and continue cuffing him]
  • Twilight: How's it going, Lieutenant?
  • Spike: Well, let's just say I hope our litterbug there saved room for his just desserts. [laughs] Yeah, just desserts.
  • Twilight: Whatever. Huh? [notices the Strangler in the police car] Spike, don't you know who that is?
  • Spike: Who?
  • Twilight: That's the Tattletale Strangler.
  • Spike: Who?
  • Twilight: The Tattletale Strangler! [shows Spike a 'WANTED' poster of the Strangler] He's promised to strangle anyone who turns him in. [Strangler growls]
  • Spike: He seems kind of angry with us, eh, Twilight Sparkle? [Spike notices Twilight is gone] Twilight? Twilight?
  • Stallion Officer: You're gonna do time, Strangler. Hard time. [Spike walks up to the police]
  • Spike: Hi, officers. So, he's going to jail, right?
  • Mare Officer: Who, Strangler?
  • Spike: Yeah, Strangler.
  • Mare Officer : Oh, yeah, he's going to jail for a long time. [Strangler draws Spike on the backseat]
  • Spike: Hey, that looks like me! [Strangler begins hitting on the headrest then laughs. Spike screams]
  • Mare Officer: Don't worry, Spike. He won't be able to strangle you.
  • Stallion Officer : Yeah. We got him chained up real good. He'll never get away.
  • Mare Officer : Oops, not again. [Strangler is missing]
  • Stallion Officer : Yep, he got away. [Spike screams then walks up to the police]
  • Spike: You nice officers will protect me, right?
  • Mare Officer : We ain't bodyguards, kid.
  • Stallion Officer : Yeah, give us a call if you see him again...tattletale. [they drive off]
  • Spike: Those officers are right. I need a bodyguard! [runs into Sweet Apple Acres] Applejack! There's a maniac after me! I need a bodyguard.
  • Applejack: [laughs] I wasn't five-time 'Golden Hooves' in the west for nothin'! When he sees me moves, he'll be running scared. So, where is this little bully? Down at the park? The sodey shop? What does he look like, eh, boy?
  • Spike: This would be him, Applejack. [takes out a wanted poster]
  • Applejack: [screams] The Tattletale Strangler? [her eyes go into her body] Go away, Spike! Take your death cloud with you! [scene cuts to Spike showing the wanted poster to people. Shows it to Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, who turns into real lobsters on plates.then a construction worker.and some guys at the Tough Tavern]
  • Spike: [at the bus stop] Ugh, that's it. I gotta get out of town 'til I can find a bodyguard. [Strangler is on the bench reading a newspaper]
  • Strangler: Bodyguard, huh? I might be able to help you out. [Spike walks over]
  • Spike: You don't understand, mister. I need protection from the scariest guy in Ponyville. Here's his picture. [holds up the wanted poster. The Strangler reveals himself wearing a fake mustache]
  • Strangler: Heh heh, he doesn't look so tough.
  • Spike: I tattled on him, and now he wants to strangle me with his diabolical hands! I hope they're not dirty. [Strangler holds up his filthy hands and laughs. Before the Strangler starts to strangle Spike, a bus of adult ponies with a few fillys drive up to the bus stop then leave]
  • Strangler: Huh? Uh-oh. Uhh, there's too many witnesses around here. [walks up to Spike] Listen, kid. I could be your bodyguard. Here's my card.
  • Spike: Hmm, looks good to me. You're hired! I feel safer already. What's next? [a five cent sticker is hanging from the Strangler's fake mustache]
  • Strangler: Well, the maniac could be anywhere, wearing a disguise. He could be that old man. [he points to an old guy with a walker] Or that baby. [points to a baby in a stroller]
  • Spike: Or that pebble. Or that stick. Or that receipt for the Phony Baloney Mustache Emporium!
  • Strangler: Huh? Uhh, that's mine. [picks it up and puts it in his pocket]
  • Spike: Oh, bodyguard, my body is in your guarding hands. What do we do first?
  • Strangler: Well, I suggest we go to a nice, quiet, secluded location, uh, like behind an old dumpster or a dark alley...
  • Spike: We could go to the library which is my house and turn off all the lights!
  • Strangler: Perfect. That way no one can hear you being strangled...err, I mean, uhh, protected. [laughs as the lights grow dim] Perfect. [Spike laughs until he turns the lights on again]
  • Spike: Ah, but first I gotta do a few errands.
  • Strangler: Uhh, okay, but let's make it quick.
  • Spike: Quick is my middle name! [scene cuts to the grocery store] Let's see...paper towels. This one says 'best paper towel around' this one says 'best paper towel in town'. Hmm...in town...around...in town...around...what do you think, bodyguard?
  • Strangler: Whatever gets us to quicker.
  • Spike: I'll take both! [scene cuts to 'Dry Cleaning While-U-Wait']
  • Dry Cleaner: Here you go, Mr. Spike. [he hands him his tuxedo]
  • Spike: Hmmm.
  • Dry Cleaner: Is there something wrong?
  • Spike: I'm not sure if this are my tuxedo . [scene cuts to the perfume store where Spike sprays some perfume on his wrist and holds it up to the Strangler] How about this one, bodyguard? Too overbearing?
  • Strangler: Can we just go to your house?! [scene cuts to Twilight Sparkle's house]
  • Spike: Here we are. Spike Manor! Bodyguard, let me just take this opportunity to say you're the best bodyguard a fella could hope to have.
  • Strangler: All right, enough of the sappy talk! Open the door so I can strangle you...I mean, uhh, choke you...I mean, uhh, crush your windpipe...gah, I mean...
  • Spike: Protect me?
  • Strangler: Thanks.
  • Spike: Don't mention it, Strangler. [gasps] I mean, bodyguard. Now where'd I put my key?
  • Narrator: Twenty minutes later... [Spike is still searching for his key]
  • Spike: Well, I can't find 'em. You wanna take a look?
  • Strangler: Forget the key, let's climb through this window. [struggles reaching for the window] I can't reach it. Do you think you could hop up on my shoulders, kid? [Spike with his spiky hands]
  • Spike: Sure! With my spiky hands, anything is possible! [jumps onto the Strangler] Ya!
  • Strangler: Hands?! [Spike’s hands land in the Stranglers eyes. The Strangler screams] Get your spikes out of my eye sockets! [Spike starts tugging at his legs]
  • Spike: I'm trying, but my spikes are stuck in your corneas! [Strangler runs around in pain]
  • Narrator: Six hours later... [Strangler is still running around until he pulls Spike's feet out of his eyes. Scene cuts to the Strangler with bandages on his eyes]
  • Spike: Don't be mad, bodyguard. Let me just grab the key I keep under the mat and we can get inside. [Strangler has an explosion come out of his head because he is so mad] There you are, you little rascal. Now, to put the key in the lock, which should activate the tumblers, thus opening the door. [Strangler sneaks up behind Spike ready to strangle him. Spike opens the door and walks in] Step inside...
  • Strangler: Close the door...
  • Spike: [closes door] Well, here we are!
  • Strangler: I've finally got you all alone! [laugh evilly]
  • Spike: I know, Isn't it great? [laughs. Strangler picks up Spike] Ooh.
  • Strangler: Now you're gonna get yours...tattletale! [lights turn on]
  • All: Surprise! [all of Spike's friends are in his house cheering. They drop a sign that says 'Congratulations, Spike! 100% On Time!']
  • Spike: A surprise party to celebrate my perfect on-time percentage at work? Oh, how'd you guys know?
  • Pinkie Pie: It's on the invitations you sent us. [holds an invitation up] Let's boogie! [everypony parties. The Strangler sits down in Spike’s chair. Scene cuts to the end of the party]
  • Spike: Bye, everybody, thanks for coming! Bye Applejack, bye Luna, looking good Rar-ri-ty! Bye Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, bye Apple Bloom, bye Pinkie Pie, bye Twilight, bye eh the rest [everypony else leaves walks back into the house and laughs] Ahh, alone at last.
  • Strangler: What? Huh? Huh? What? Huh? [Spike closes the door] So, we're all alone now?
  • Spike: Just you, me, and the tree floorboards. [Strangler and Spike begin laughing again] Yeah. [there's a knock on the door. Spike opens it]
  • All: Happy birthday, Spike!
  • Spike: How did you guys know today is my birthday?
  • Pinkie Pie: We just do what the invitations say. Let's boogie some more! [everypony parties again. Scene cuts to end of party]
  • Spike: Thanks for coming! [closes the door] Whoo! [laughs] Alone again.
  • Strangler: Is it true? Everybody's gone?
  • Spike: Uh-huh.
  • Strangler: No more parties today? You got everything you need now? Everybody's left? We're completely alone?
  • Spike: Oh yeah.
  • Strangler: In that case... [laughs evilly until Pinkie Pie appears out of nowhere]
  • Pinkie Pie: Great parties, huh?
  • Strangler: Oh...sorry, Tubby, you've gotta go.
  • Spike: Wait! We can trust Pinkie Pie. She's my best friend.
  • Strangler: Well, I can't take any chances. For all we know,she could be the She-Strangler.
  • Pinkie Pie: I'm the She-Strangler? Oh, I should've known! I gotta turn myself in! [runs through the wall]
  • Spike: So, Pinkie Pie's the Strangler. I didn't know The Strangler was a women.
  • Strangler: She's not the Strangler!
  • Spike: She's not?
  • Strangler: [rips off his mustache] I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Spike: Hey, how'd you do that without shaving cream?
  • Strangler: Oh, it's a fake, you dragon idiot! I bought it at the party store! [everyone comes back]
  • Twilight: Did someone say 'party'? [Strangler screams and runs out through the wall]
  • Strangler: I can't take it!
  • Spike: [runs after him] Wait, bodyguard, I need protection! [Strangler gets into a taxi]
  • Strangler: Step on it! I'm being chased by a maniac! [Spike chases after the taxi]
  • Spike: I'm not safe! Come back! [taxi goes to the Equestria Airport and drives onto a plane]
  • Strangler: Finally, away from that guy.
  • Spike: Good idea, bodyguard. He'll never find us up here. [Strangler screams then jumps out of the plane. He pulls his parachute cord then notices it is actually Spike] Good thinking, bodyguard. The Strangler could have been on that plane. [Strangler takes out a pair of scissors and cuts the strings off the parachute and plummets right into the Ponyville Police Station jail. Spike comes running up to him] Bodyguard, bodyguard!
  • Strangler: Look, kid. I'm not your bodyguard. [cries] I'm the Strangler. See? [points to the 'WANTED' poster on the wall]
  • Spike: [gasps] The Strangler! [police officers walk up]
  • Mare Officer: Good work, Spike. You put the Strangler behind bars.
  • Strangler: At least I'm safe from that dragon idiot. [Pinkie Pie is in the same cell as the Strangler]
  • Pinkie Pie: Hey, Mac, what're you in for?
  • The End!

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